The Barton Bathroom tile collection

photo credit:People

"Oh...hey guuuys..okay, yeaaah, I guess I'll pose for a second. But I really don't have time to do this, my new butterface rockstar boyfriend is waiting for me in some bathroom somewhere so we can shoot up together, so could you like, hurry it along? Do you like my dress? I made someone who borrowed my needle pay me back in bathroom tiles and shower curtains, and I like have those already, so I made this. Heeey, I know you guys like, shoot photos but do you ever like, shoot up?"

Red, White Lies, and Blue

photo credit: People

First of all, let's forget the obvious question of, "WHY are these two famous?" and save ourselves some breast. I mean breath. Ahem, let's review: Navy polo on Spencer, check. Red hoodie, check. White shorts with matching white shoes on Heidi, check. Matching mini-flags, check check. But tell me, they are standing perfectly in front of the Washington Monument, "caught in the moment" of kissing, and we're supposed to believe they didn't call their favorite paparazzi crew to cash in on this horrific display of American pride? Come on Speidi, you have reached a monumental level of desperate.

Tall glass of water Thursday

photo credit:People

HALLELUJAH MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED! The suit and tie are making a comeback. After years of shoving pictures of Sinatra under men's noses saying, "Dress like this, please!" and calling their mothers to scold them for letting their sons leave the house in Umbros and PCB '94 Spring Break tanks, men are finally getting the message. Suits are hot! Skinny ties, In! Wingtips have an intoxicating clicking heel! Not to mention, what man doesn't find it hot to wake up to his woman in his crisp white oxford? All this talk is giving this blogger hope.  I'm off to wander the streets for ole blue eyes.

Hillary does well in the primaries, but not in wardrobe

photo credit: The Cut

Hill Girl, let's talk. Congrats on doing well in the Pennsylvania primary, I'm proud of you. But, may I ask who is dressing you? Aw bless their little heart, they just don't know. This turquoise blazer is hitting you at the widest part of your hips. Albeit, you are wearing slimming black slacks (yes, they're slacks, clearly not just pants.) Not only is your jacket cut all wrong and looking slightly cheap, you had to go and put that matching necklace with it. I think we decided jewelry no longer has to match the outfit back in like, '98. Granted, you weren't concerned about matching jewelry at the time, but your wardrobe consultant should bring you up to speed. Good Talk, Hill. 

Oh, and if you just so happen to win, how about we forget this talk ever happened, okay? I mean who am I to tell you what to wear, most powerful woman in the world?

Manniston and Man Candy

photo credit: People

Manniston is not the first celeb to come to mind when the word fashionable is mentioned, but I just couldn't resist talking about these overalls. Apparently in France circa last April, overalls and coveralls were so en vogue et chic. I, along with Manniston, have embraced the fact that overalls aren't for Farmer Ted anymore. She paired hers with a simple white tank and braided belt- so effortless. But, I do have a problem. Jen is holding a denim jacket in her hand. Does that mean she was wearing DOUBLE DENIM? Ditch the jacket, keep the Owen, K Jen?

Balenciaga Baffles this Blogger

When I first saw this picture, I did a double take. The proportions are so odd- broad shoulders, cinched waist, bubble hips. I think Jennifer Connelly sleeps in this thing, honestly. Every time I turn around she has it on with a different pair of shoes. The more I look at it, the more I think she's kind of working it. She's giving waif cookie on the right a run for her money, yes?

Also, speaking of proportions, can someone get me the number of his tailor?

I said NO NO NO to birth control?

photo credit: People

WHO THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO LET THE WINO BABYSIT? No really, she can't even hold a baby properly. Baby boy, don't touch Auntie Amy's crackne! Play in her beehive instead and report back on what is lodged in there. (I speculate a crack pipe, and maybe even an extra pair of ballet flats.)

Age of Consentizzle

photo credit: CMT.com

Let us honorizzle Taylor Swiftizzle for her achizzlementz and suchizzle on the Countrizzle Music Televizzle. Now get me outizzle of this silly ass hatizzle.

Debra Downer

Deb, 

photo credit: People

Honey I know sometimes red heads are called names like firecrotch and ginger, but that is no reason to cover your head with your dinner napkin. The dress fits you so nicely! You avoided looking completely flat chested! The sash matches the bag! So many things to praise, except for that damn napkin on your head and napkin rings in your ears. Go back to the table, finish your meal, then Grace us with your presence.