Kiki,

photo credi: People

Two words: Soap. Water. 

photo credit: People

This picture made me howl with laughter when I came across it. Taylor Hicks loves the Jonas brothers? Okay whoa, I thought I was being a bit molesty with my love for underage boys, but at least I only have an internet crush on them. Taylor, you're scaring me. Next time I see a photo of you I bet you'll be shopping for sparkly flare jeans at Limited Too, won't you? Oh and P.S., Shutter shades in the back? Aren't the shutters supposed to go all the way down the frame? Just wondering.

Pheast on this Phallic photo

photo credit: People

Cute bottoms, Kim. Not bottom, but bottoms. For once someone isn't going to talk about your huge butt on a blog. Thanks for keeping your bondage bracelet on after a quickie with Reggie White. It really matches your outfit, so why not flaunt a little kinky jewelry, hoochie mamma? What's lil sis wearing though? An animal print jumper? No, sorry Khloe I'm not in to gymboree garments just yet, please try again.

Do ya chain hang low, Drew?

photo credit: People

"Alright, yeah, I'll give my fans a quick wave and a smirk, whatever to get them off my back about these gold chains. SO WHAT, I like when they wobble to tha flo, haters. Good thing I wore this stupid scarf on my head so I can take it off and whip these suckers with it at anytime. Whoa, wait is that Uncle Jesse in front of me?"

Mariah still needs help in wardrobe, sadly.

photo credit: People

Mariah, I'm going to pull you from the game and put in the second string pitcher. Mainly because your outfit is shiteous. Would you please stop dressing like you're still filming Glitter? Looking like you shop at DEB is not acceptable for a star like yourself. I'll let you keep the Hello Kitty room in your apartment, but you're a married woman now-not 13 years old. Time to grow up and stop dressing like a chonga.

Hilary stumps her outfits and me for a creative title

photo credit: People

Hilary is usually my girl when it comes to dressing. She is always put together well, and never in a slutty, sloppy, Lindsay Lohan kind of way. I think it's cute that she's dating a hockey player (hockey player, right? Or is it some other toothless sport?) Anyway, the point is, she uh..didn't score a point with this outfit. PROPORTIONS, PEOPLE. The shirt should be shorter, or the shorts should be longer. I don't care which one you choose, Duff, but choose before your earrings meet up with your top.

Also, Big in '08: matching flowers to your outfit

Denise does Daytime

photo credit: People

Denise, First of all, you're on TRL. You know, that show that airs on MTV for teenagers? They generally don't have anyone over the age of 25 on the show, so what are you doing there? More importantly, what are you doing wearing that hat out in public? JLo tried the floppy beach hat years ago, and Indiana Jones has been working them since, well, Indiana was around-but that does not give you an excuse to try the same. Maybe you haven't made it to the salon to get your roots touched up because you're too busy being a divorcee, but come on, give me a bandana or something.