So everyone dresses well on holidays?

Ella has been searching for something shiteous to blog about for a few days now. What gives? Do you people wear your best outfits when celebrating American pride? I was expecting someone to slip up and at least wear something with some stars and stripes, but not even Speidi Montatt pranced around in red, white or blue. 

Hang in there with me, readers. I'll soon find suitable material. 

Paris Men's Fashion Week made me drool

I want you all to meet my new boyfriend. Ella loves the dapper, sleek

tailoring and perfectly coiffed hair. Thank you Moschino for

introducing me to this cutie.

Also: This look is big in '08.

Kelly Kapowski, young high school hottie, workin' the suspenders and bikini like it's her job.

Kiki,

photo credi: People

Two words: Soap. Water. 

photo credit: People

This picture made me howl with laughter when I came across it. Taylor Hicks loves the Jonas brothers? Okay whoa, I thought I was being a bit molesty with my love for underage boys, but at least I only have an internet crush on them. Taylor, you're scaring me. Next time I see a photo of you I bet you'll be shopping for sparkly flare jeans at Limited Too, won't you? Oh and P.S., Shutter shades in the back? Aren't the shutters supposed to go all the way down the frame? Just wondering.

Pheast on this Phallic photo

photo credit: People

Cute bottoms, Kim. Not bottom, but bottoms. For once someone isn't going to talk about your huge butt on a blog. Thanks for keeping your bondage bracelet on after a quickie with Reggie White. It really matches your outfit, so why not flaunt a little kinky jewelry, hoochie mamma? What's lil sis wearing though? An animal print jumper? No, sorry Khloe I'm not in to gymboree garments just yet, please try again.

Do ya chain hang low, Drew?

photo credit: People

"Alright, yeah, I'll give my fans a quick wave and a smirk, whatever to get them off my back about these gold chains. SO WHAT, I like when they wobble to tha flo, haters. Good thing I wore this stupid scarf on my head so I can take it off and whip these suckers with it at anytime. Whoa, wait is that Uncle Jesse in front of me?"

Mariah still needs help in wardrobe, sadly.

photo credit: People

Mariah, I'm going to pull you from the game and put in the second string pitcher. Mainly because your outfit is shiteous. Would you please stop dressing like you're still filming Glitter? Looking like you shop at DEB is not acceptable for a star like yourself. I'll let you keep the Hello Kitty room in your apartment, but you're a married woman now-not 13 years old. Time to grow up and stop dressing like a chonga.